I recently asked a few ladies what challenges they faced in building confidence, and they mentioned “trust.” This response made me think about all those times that I have had to trust myself and leap into the unknown with blind faith. Every one of those moments required the confidence to:

• Push beyond my comfort zone
• Make decisions
• Take action
• Be accountable for my choices

I’ve always been one of those people who goes with that “gut instinct” supported by confidence built on a foundation of self-trust. No matter how confident we are, there are times where our confidence is shaken, and we lose trust in ourselves.

For me, it happened in October 2019 when I tragically lost my 25-year-old son to suicide. As a parent, I faced making decisions that I never imagined and wondered how I could trust that each decision was what my son would have wanted. I questioned everything and, for the first time in my life, struggled with answers.

We don’t always think about it, but many of our decisions come from a place of trust. Trust in ourselves, in others, in the process, in the outcome, etc. Some of us find ourselves asking, “can I trust myself to…”

• Make the right decisions for my family?
• Be a great leader?
• Do the right things to get that promotion?
• Create a business that will support me?
• Walk away from the negative things in my life?
• And so much more

Learning to trust yourself starts with forming new habits and sticking to them.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
— Dr. Spock

Ways I have learned to trust myself are to:

• Realize that failure is OK: Failure can be a positive thing; it helps us learn from our mistakes, grow and do better.
• Forgive yourself for past mistakes: The past is the past. You can’t change it. Forgive and move forward with a positive mindset.
• Make and keep promises with yourself: Too many women burn out trying to be everything to everyone without taking care of their own needs. Whatever it is that you need, DO IT. Self-care is important. When you feel better, you are naturally more productive and make better decisions.
• Learn to navigate life’s challenges. Sometimes our journey can be a rough one. It’s OK to pause, slow down, regroup and take things one step, one breath at a time. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it.
• Be proactive: Don’t wait for confidence to come to you. Life rewards action, not indecision.
• Be fearless: When you let fear call the shots, you sell yourself short and set yourself up for failure.
• Dare to be bold: Envision what you want personally and professionally, set goals, and go after what you want in life.
• Permit yourself to be human. Perfectionism can be crippling. Learn to let go of the notion of perfectionism and strive for imperfect action, refining as you go. The important thing is that you are moving forward and acting.
• Use your talent. Do what you do well. Look for ways to make your talent and skills work for you in creative and innovative ways.
• Prioritize what empowers you: When you focus on your strengths versus dwelling on your weaknesses, you position yourself from a place of power, and you begin to spread your wings and fly.
• Recognize your value: Pat yourself on the back occasionally. Accept and appreciate the compliments. Don’t undersell yourself; doing so hurts you and short-changes those who can benefit from your talent, advice, and knowledge.
• Risk being vulnerable: To maximize the possibilities and opportunities, you must be willing to take calculated risks. If you aren’t ready to drop the walls and lay down the armor, you risk losing out in the greater scheme of things.
• Lead with faith: Trust that a higher force is in your corner, cheering you on and conspiring for your greatest good.
• Surround yourself with positivity: Having people in your life who are supportive, encouraging, and want to see you succeed goes a long way in helping you maintain a positive mindset.
• Surrender resistance: Embrace uncertainty and look within for the security you seek.
• Own it: Be accountable for your choices and advocate for your goals.

Changing your habits is never easy, but if you can commit to these new habits, you create the moments that build self-trust and foster confidence. 

“Self-Trust is the first secret to success.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

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